Tom is pacing around up in his suite at Mathew’s home. Tom’s been here for protection since being released from jail. He’s taken to drinking more and more and ruminating.
‘Three weeks I’ve been cooped up in this house. It sucks. I mean, it’s nice. I’ve got booze, an’ all the food I want. Can sleep all day. But I can’t leave. ‘Cause of that fuckin’ cult bullshit I gotta stay here. I mean it’s not so bad, but it sucks. Matt says, “Why dontcha read a book, I’ve got a whole library.” I don’t like reading. “How ’bout some fencing with my trainer?” Nah. Sculpting. Nah Painting. Nah. Nah. Nah. I wanna be outta here and do somethin” It’s kinna like bein’ in jail. Just a pretty jail.’
‘I don’t think anybody’s gonna come try ta kill me. They coulda done it that night . . . it doesn’t make any sense. Why didn’t they kill me? Was it because of her? I was just in the wrong place and the wrong time? Why’d she let them kill her? I mean I know there’s religious fruitcakes out there. But she didn’t seem like one . . . Did she love me? I know, I know, I fell in love with a whore. Anne isn’t gonna let me forget. Matt doesn’t bring it up. Fuck. Fuck! Fuck this place. I need a drink.’ Tom pours himself a tall glass of some brown liquid. Takes a big gulp. “Oooh, that’s some smooth shit. For a guy that doesn’t drink, Matt’s buys some good booze.” Another gulp. Tom sits down in one of the leather chairs in his suite. “Day drinkin’s the best kind,” laughs. ‘God damn, I fucked up!’ Finishes that glass. “Damn that’s smooth. Think I’ll have another.” Pours himself another tall glass of liquor from the fancy, crystal bottle. He just sits and sips from his glass in silence for some time. Finishes the glass and pours himself another. A little time goes by. Strokes the left side of his face with his left hand. ‘All that fuckin’ money. . . I never had so much money in my whole life. Even if I took everything I ever made, plus what we got when mom and dad died I’d still never have even . . . a tenth of what I had here, and lost.’ Takes a drink. Leans back and puts the glass to his forehead.
‘An’ what am I gonna do when this shit is all over? If it’s over. Let’s say they catch the cult fuckers. Okay. Now what? What am I gonna do? I told Matt I could build it all back . . . I don’t think I want to. Why? How? People gonna know I fucked up. Everybody knows I fucked up. They have to. How could they not? I’m a laughing stock. I’m forty-five, still a fat-fuck because I can’t stick to a diet. Still getting wasted. Lost everything I had. Fell in love with a whore . . . Matt said they been waitin’ for us ta fall. That’s on me. I fucked up.’ Takes a drink, a long drink. ‘I’m gonna get laughed at no matter where I go in this city, in this country . . . I’m too old for this shit. I don’ wanna do this anymore.’ Another drink, empties the glass and refills. ‘I think Matt hates me. I think he’s jus’ bein nice. Like outta obligation because we’re family. I can feel it. It’s not the same. It’s not the same with Anne either. She’s not just mad. She’s done. She’s fuckin’ done with me. It’s not like back home. She hasn’t come by ta see me since she left after I got out. Hasn’t asked about me . . . I don’ blame er.’ Another drink. ‘This fuckin’ place. This fuckin’ world. Magic an’ shit. Fuck this shit. Fuck this shit!’ Softly ‘ Fuck this shit.’ Finishes the drink and refills. Some time goes by, “Is a bad dream. Dat’s all. Is a bad dream.’ A while goes by. Tears begin to fall from his eyes. ‘An I’m gonna end this bad dream. I’m gonna end it. Nobody else is gonna end it but me. I’m, I’m gonna end it.’ Tom pours the liquor out of his glass and onto the floor. With difficulty gets up from the chair, takes off his belt, puts it around his neck and starts choking himself, ‘I’m gonna end it.’ Pulls harder on the end of the belt, the loop cutting into his throat, he makes gurling sounds, falls to his knees, ‘I’m gonna en’ it.’ His vision goes in and out of darkness. His forehead is on the floor, he pulls harder on the belt. As he does Tom begins to see a pool of water form before him. Then everything goes black.
